Saturday, September 1, 2012

Incessant Camaraderie

I was so busy improving my social skills until i didn't have time to update my blog.

( Does sleeping counted as one?)

I went for raya gatherings.Celebrated my baby bro's birthday,collected some ang-paws and bla-bla..

The truth is : I don't feel like taking pictures anymore.'s still the same me.same size.different poses.(again,still the same )

after have been persuaded my endless love, (yucks)

i managed to snap some pictures using hers of course and tadaaa

it sounds awful.isn't it?

(welcoming the new member merapus-merepeks girl *ayin*)

We went to d book fair.and bought

Booooks of course,what else do you expect?

(omg.omg.that was me.carrying a box that full of limbs and skulls.)

here's the list:

Ayin (malen's baby) :bought lotsa

Malin:serial killers dvds part 1-2-3-4,haha.shakespeare's thingy:i guess that was mine,and some webster's desk reference set.

Me:sama ja macam malin except i bought the fifth part and teacher man (written by frank something,which is not for me actually ) and couple of literature novels for young adult of course.

*they said friends have things in common :so malen.we are the masochist typo.aren't we?creepy+ pathetic...hahaha

(blood-hunting reality tv series )

lepas beli buku,we went for shoru at mana ntah.and lost the parking ticket.

(i am a big fond old buildings,so pals,i'm snapping my picture here guys,here.)

*oklah,tamat di sini sahaja.i am so tired.till then*

p/s: they asked me a weird-kinda question,amboi sejak ada boyfriend,dah x update blog noh

here's my answer :i don't belong to anyone but my parents and The auction is on.

Haha :D

anyway lovelies: Thanks for the day :)sorry x letak gambar berdua (i cant barely stand looking at the contradiction of our eye-balls

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Remain of the days

A dream of a book: a beguiling comedy of manners that evolves almost magically into a profound and heart rending study of personality, class and culture.”- The New York Times Book Review. When I first flip into the first page of this novel, I read those comments of his novel and honestly said after five times of attempting to read the first page of the story, it was rough .It was rough and did. However The Remains of the Day gave me something. It was different than the  movie version of “Never Let Me Go” written by the same author.

Well, the synopsis might be simple, as simple as choosing your favourite Gucci handbag when you have lots of cash compared to the moments when you have to swipe your plastic money when you are in the middle of month. It is a story of a butler. A butler with              self-conflicts.  A butler and his dad. A butler and his master. A butler  who has this and that. Was that Simple? As for me , the plotline was simple (as your wish)  if, you really master the language. Seriously .Well I still remember the moment when I first entered into one of the Japanese food restaurants I don’t even have a clue on what to pick on and what to eat, however the experience of having it all over again made me master those food. Now I don’t have to think about choosing the menu, as the dishes were on the belt. Take a plate. Have a bite .Pay for it.
There was one aspect that captured my attention when I was reading this material and it was the issue of his real desire versus his self-dignity

Without any doubt, I have believed that Stevens had succeeded in becoming a good butler. His accomplishments were told in every inch and lines of this paper book novel. However, were he really into it? Well as a reader I do believe that the actions taken by him can be considered as his desires, his lusts, and his needs. Everybody has their own interpretation but as for me I am a strong believer of the theory that every man do things that their like instead of what their need. Simple example: They will steadily awake during Euro 2012 but not for Subuh prayer

Well, let’s look at this deeply. There are many example can be taken as consideration when we want to touch about his desire or self-dignity and based on my interpretation, there were two incidents of why I said that he did things to satisfy his own petition

The real Stevens was into Kenton but he had never shown any interest towards her. Most of the comments indicates that he was so ego until he chose the self-dignity over the real desire but I think the other way around. Does he really want her to be his wife? His companion? The queen of his heart? Logically said, Mars needs Venus (and that is why “Mars and Venus” books hit the audiences) and the other way around but I do believe in certain ways that Stevens definition of being happy means: being a butler is certainly his real desire instead of marrying a woman. It is normal for us to settle down at the age of 25 to 30 for females and maybe for males it took more than that. However, according to the Erickson theory, the stages of us being old or mature were not measured by the age but the experience itself. People experience things differently. My lovey-dovey days and my puppy year’s love life starts at the early age of 10 and maybe it goes differently to you and for other as well and I do believe that, there are certain reasons of why he didn’t go cuckoo over Mrs Kenton. Well, not to say that I am good enough in judging people characteristics but as for me again I don’t think that he will make a good father. Seriously say? If I were given chances to rewrite back the story, I will never make these couple say I do. Oh gosh. Believe me, what do you expect from him?

A happy ending love life with Mrs Kenton? Even though I don’t have any life-experience of being somebody’s wife, but I still believe that they won’t make a good couple. Jennifer Aniston is an incredibly talented artist. She used to be a great sit-com actress and her name was highlighted all over the world BUT again, she did follow the norms. Maybe as for her marrying Brad Pitt was a good choice or her so-called-real-desire by that time and bang! Few years later the marriage was in a sack. It is ruined because of not of course the goddess’s angel- Angelina Jolie, but it was reported happened because of Aniston itself. Her past made her like that. She was so unready to have a baby as she was darkened with her past. Caught in the middle and exceptionally said that her father was the one who made her like that. She was believed undergo this kind of traumatic experience where by the desire of having babies ended there. See the relation? Well Steven Is a good man .Indeed he is BUT his past made him stand as him right now and I can conclude  that he was influenced by the way of his dad behaving. Marrying a lady? That is a total for him and it is a good action actually. Yes .We can see that by the end of the end of the story, there’s pain behind him, and the sense of guilt and regret was there, but people make mistakes. Choosing not to buy a poppy tote’s bag during coach sale can be something regretful but it gives us no harm.

Do you still remember the moment when he decided on what to wear during the trip? He was thinking on wearing the best suits that he ever had and people think that he did that for the sake of self-dignity? Are you really sure on that? I couldn’t agree on certain point that he is trying to be the best butler as for his name, pride and satisfaction. Stevens might see that the paramount virtue of being a butler means you are able to dress well in certain code and remains professional as possible in any circumstances but personally I think we should put it this way : why do people choose Tag Heuer over Casio “pasar malam” ? The reasons are simple. Some people want the fame,some people want the attraction,but what if you were born as a rich….should you dressed like a pauper or should you behave like ones? Maybe this will be better. When you see your mom dressed beautifully in hand-made songket during any events, would you pick the same materials like her or would u prefer to wear something better or worse?

Stevens was born in a butler family, and he was trained to behave like ones. That is why he behaves such ways. It was his real desire to wear those tailor-made suits and it was an honour for him to dress properly during the trip. We might judge him that way by saying that he was being overreacted as he took things seriously .Be Careful before make any judgement because we might not in his shoes and yes suits might be an awful taste for a guy like him during these millennium years, (My father would definitely choose to wear his shorts, simple shirt and a pair of Birkenstock to travel and a simple shawl and a pair of jeans might be more than enough for my mom AND it is their desire to choose those clothes).but he likes it as he used to it. “how I met your mother” portrayed a millennium Stevens as there was a hot guy-but apparently he is a gay named Barney. Barney wore nothing but suits for every single episode for SEVEN seasons and nobody say a word. Why is that so? As for me, I think that his desire was the drive theory that leads him into choosing his own personal style.

Self-dignity is important, but we ought not to forget that real desire is vital as well. In this story, different perceptions were given and as for me..

I do believe and I still going to believe that the deeds and actions taken by Stevens in "Remains of the day" can be considered as fulfilling his real desire instead of his self-dignity. For man to have a baby is for his self-dignity and pride ,to prove his masculinity and power but to have babies is more than that.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Shah alam to Kedah- The Road Not Taken

Ayah met with an accident,and i was so worried.obviously,i should be worrying about him instead other stuff.So i had decided to drive back with the Help of Mr Mustaqim all the way from Shah Alam..

We went back.and ayah was doing fine.accept for one thing

I have to send my brothers to every pelusuk dunia,and i felt like-hellyeah,i will never get married,and even if i do i still not GONNA send my kids to Nursery-kojalankakisendiri,mama nak tidur dirumah.Just kidding..

btw-here's the thing.we arrived home a lil bit late,so my parents have just decided to let Mr Mustaqim to take care of my Myvi for one day,and the next morning,he will send back to me,as long as he janji to belanja me tgk wayang (well,that part saya main-main)

So,the next morning,He fetches us at Bertam Indah,obviously,it's quite a long journey.From Kepala Batas Selatan,to Utara ...Kesian.since his parents got plenty chores to be done,so this so called mithali son just asked me to send him back to the nearest bus station (balik naik bus wooo)...

However,afif and his friend pulak got things to be settled at so-called-wedding cerem at Kelab Cinta Sayang (untung jugak hang jadi photographer.masuk duit jugak.dari menyusah makpak )..Regards of this unplanned things,kami bertiga pun hantaq la si afif dan si anu ke wedding

*well,they called anybody ja as Anu kat Sabah,dont be used to it*

(cramp macam tin sardin dalam my little myvi)

Disebabkan boring.mus.aqil.and me decided to get a way kononnya at one and only mall nearby,

which is :Village Mall...

(i called this as NO DIRECTION, Instead of one direction)

since the mall is so boring,takdak apa nak dicari except for Herbalife store,and we hated it.3 of us nak makan okay.bukan we decided untuk tgk movie bagi mengisi kekangan masa :)

so we strolled along the mall,and decided to watch MAIL LAMBONG.


(seriously MAIL LAMBONG???)

No offense but,yala...i am not a big fan of Zizan and wasting 30 myr for him was kinda a big thing.tapi tengok ja's kinda funny anyway :D



*They talked a lottttt about black shot and the other stuff that i didnt know.shoot.This game,that ID,those tactics...and i was like...ok steal my limelight man..and as i was so bored.tak dilayan,i snapped some random pictures of their IMMATURE stupid conversation..haha

anyway,we had fun together.Thanks for the day :D

Ayah is in recovery process and he's doing fine.

As for me,i am now becoming his so-called-permanent Driver

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Appreciation night

Being the eldest child of the family means: i have to force myself in being a good role model to my siblings.after all,the only motto in my life is

"Paksa Diri Untuk Berjaya"

I'm not as good as my other classmates,but if you ask me thing that made me like this,

i will definitely answer my determination leads me to this (a good kick-starter)

Yala.saya bukan orang senang.sooner or later,my dad will retire and i have to prove to them that I am qualified enough in taking care of my family.

Last year was the toughest year of my life,and alhamdulillah,God is fair and He replaced me with slightly-better result than the 1st semester.

well.more likely to say,it's my rezeki and Four of us were invited to

'The Appreciation Night for the Dean's list holder'


( mira.fiqqu(theonlyguy).tqah and me )


(Team Kelantan)

IPKB sent us their iron-ladies.All of them are ladies and the number of their dean list's holders are Much.much.much more bigger.8 kot dorang.and..obviously,i am the one with the lowest gpa.


( gadis-gadis tinggi and me )

obviously,i have issue with this.i used to be the tallest +size girl(masih besar) in my class and sejujurly i looked like an oager with the babies when it comes to taking pictures with my classmates..all of them are beautiful+ small size and petite..and i was like what the *^%$$$$...After meeting 3 of these girls from IPKB (The other twinning program from kelantan ),i feel like.


(with the lowest cgpa compared to mira.atiqah.and afiq,iSTILL manage to survive.Mama ayah.for this time being.this is the thing that i can give you *tacing*)

This might be the first and maybe the last Appreciation Dinner,that I can afford to go,but at least,it boost up my motivation level A little bit so that i strive harder in this TESL field.

I am not a fast learner,
but i will make sure that..i will be a good teacher.insyallah.

When people try to demotivate you by saying that :aku tak peduli berapa pointer aku asal aku grad,NEVER.NEVER.NEVER FEELS DEMOTIVATED.
smile at them and istighfar dalam hati.harap aku tak tergolong macam kamuorang.

*students amanah allah,studies amanah parents,i hope one day before i die..will make my parents proud of me :)*

amin :D

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

i used to be..i mean still fat :)

I am so busy,doing my chores,including my assignments and preparing myself for test,and out of the sudden i found ....


(my sophomore year of my-trashy-life in my secondary school)

well.proudly said,

i used to be a netball player and eversince i left those games i ended up like this...

and after years...


well,it might just be the same but who cares.i lost maybe..0.05 kg's ..'s just a random post you guys.

Happy laughing :D

Friday, May 11, 2012

This is me

She faked a smile. maybe it is a real smile.the breathless moments was with the wind and the serenade of endless pain was end.she’s still day.watching the moment.having a new kind of hope.given by somebody that she used to know..
Pain? There was no pain in her.the numbness beat over the pain that used to struck into her life.There is a new beginning.she named it hope.
A new cycle had taken control over a life of a distress.if you ask me whether she is happy?
Well. I can barely say that she’s doing well .perfectly well. having  a great time of life with new songs.
In the morning,someone will wake her up,sing her a song,wait for her at the guard post.bought  her food and it takes a real man to do that.She is happy.
She should be happy.well.after all,that’s the only choice left for her.Be happy.
Life is about taking chances,and if you ask me,is she fine?
Well.frankly said is.She’s not fine.
Taking control of her own life is the thing that she got to do.ought to do.must do.and should do?
Perhaps,she doesn’t even have a clue of why she behave this way.
She cried
She laughed
She remember those moments and she struck by the lightning of pain.
He lost him, and he lost her.
She lost him and she lost herself.
Self-denial is a destructive self-mechanism and she doesn’t even realise the countless tears that she used to waste.
Well people, if  you asked her what it felt like to be in this situation,
She will basically smile and say well my dear,
You don’t know what its like to be like me and there’s no other option than to be
A bitch J